It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
