What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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