I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Boobs are out for the taking
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
