doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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