can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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