How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
did you just send me my own nude
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
