So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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