he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
