i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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