So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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