just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
