I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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