do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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