is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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