i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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