My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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