Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
