Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish you could order shots online.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
