dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
