I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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