How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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