I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
