Sponge bath it is.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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