i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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