girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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