when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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