Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
