thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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