honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was born a porn star she said
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
