If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
