I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
