he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ttyl tear gas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
