Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
