i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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