remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
