I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
