I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
