ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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