My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
her vagine was all disorganized.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
