I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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