His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
