I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
