During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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