It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
