From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
