one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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