I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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