Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
