Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
