And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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