piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
