i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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