Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
