so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
