i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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