Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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