I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
