Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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