It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
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