You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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