his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
